Finding the path
by TheBonesOfMe
Summary: Snape has a daughter. Lupin is back. Harry is depressed. Draco somehow fits into all of this. 6th Year. Eventual Snape and Lupin adopt Harry and help him. Snape and Lupin get it on. Mentions abuse rape self harm, Rated M because I give my characters depressing lives.
1. My Daughter

**Okay, so this is the first story I've started in a while that I'm vowing to myself to finish, I'm not a person who sticks to stories, but this one has been in my heart for a while, I REALLY need a beta as well as want one so if anyone's interested I'm all ears! I REALLY hope you enjoy this story, it's a Snape/Lupin pairing and I'm not sure about Harry yet, I think he's going to be paired off with Draco to be honest, who doesn't love Drarry? Although I MUCH prefer Snarry I have to admit. Snape and Lupin will eventually adopt Harry but that won't happen for a while. I'm not too sure what my overall plot is, I have several different directions I am planning to steer this in, maybe my beta will decide for me!  
I'm stopping the rambling, my apologies for words spelt wrong, punctuation used incorrectly, English is my first language but I'm incredibly stupid so you know! I also wrote this story because a lot of the 'Snape has a daughter' stories suck.**

Disclaimer: I don't own it and even if I did it would be nowhere near as big as JKR has made it! (This is probably the only chapter you'll get a disclaimer, I forget to do them a lot)

**I also hope to make updates a lot longer because I know I hate reading stories where there's about 100 words in each chapter and about 7,0000 chapters.**

**Set in Harrys 6****th**** year, no Slughorn (never liked him) Just lots of Lupin. Nom.**

**Let's get cracking. **

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**Chapter 1: My daughter

'Mr. Larousse, if you ever want to get anywhere near passing Potions I suggest you stop frolicking under the table, remove your hands from underneath your partners skirt and pay attention,' Snape spat. John Larousse flushed as did Eliza Drayton and moved apart immediately.

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose and forced himself to control the urge to wrap his hands around one of their throats. He hated third years, cocky, arrogant and thinking they were above everyone else. And it was he who had to face the headaches and nausea of having to teach the brats.

'Now that I have your attention,' Snape shot them both a nasty look,' In just a few short years you will be starting your owls, the ministry and teaching board feel it is,' He stopped curling his lip, _'prudent _for you to be prepared and practising now.'

And so the lesson went on with Snape giving them his usual, 'You shalt not fuck around in my lessons or I will eat yo' brains' lecture, along with starting the theory modular for potions, as usual no-one was happy about starting preparation for OWL's or any kind of exam. Who wanted to do preparation for _fifth_ year exams in _third_ year? Not to mention it being the first day back of school. And who wants to do anything on the first day?

But to their annoyance the previous three lessons had in fact all been the same. Starting with lectures about how they were entering a new year bla bla bla. It annoyed Snape just as much as them, he could be doing better things with his time than telling brats not to be foolish.

When the ball rang it wasn't clear who was more eager for their departure, Snape or the third years themselves. As they rushed out, yelling and chattering, happy at the prospect of lunch and meeting up with friends Snape all but slammed the door shut and sank down into his chair, his head on the desk, fully intending to nap. But alas the door he had ever so gracefully shut squeaked open and shut again. Snape lifted his head, presumably to glare this person to death when he saw his daughter.

'Daddy!' She yelled as she took a seat on the front desk, threw her bag on the desk and grinned up at Snape expectantly. He raised his eyebrow but said nothing. She just smirked back.

'That's Professor to you Laney,' He chided. She gave an unladylike snort. Laney wasn't a popular girl at school. Upon being sorted she was put into Slytherin, which squashed the fear Snape had of her going into a different house and them treating her badly because her father was greasy git of the dungeons and head of Slytherin. Laney was the only person in the world he cared about, apart from her being a 'mistake', he loved her to death and wouldn't change a thing about her.

He didn't really know why he had been so paranoid about her being bullied at school, and deep down he knew inside Laney would be in Slytherin, she was cunning, tactical and very sly. You set down rules and she'd find a way to snake around them, which was why when it came to disciplining Laney you had to choose your words very carefully. Once Snape remembered telling her to be in bed at 8pm because she had misbehaved the day before.

And at 11:30pm he found her sitting in bed with a book, her trademark amused smirk plastered over her face as she pointed out, she was technically in bed.

She was also very naturally pretty, shocking for Snape as most of the women in his family had been quite plain, never ugly just never glamorous either. But her mother Celeste Beauregard had been a woman of incredible beauty.

She had silky black hair, long with no fringe, just framed around her face and pointy chin. Sadly she didn't inherit her mother's tan luscious skin, but her father's sallow complexion, pale and rather ill looking.

Her eyes were brown, dark chocolaty rich brown, she often wore thick black eye liner which amplified them, making her look even prettier, her mouth was thin, not particularly plump at all, she usually coloured those red, not bright slutty red, dark subtle red, almost burgundy. Her nose, thankfully Snape thought, was straight and not at all hooked, inherited from her mother which was probably for the best.  
However although overall Laney didn't look like Snape, there was no denying she was his daughter, their postures mannerisms and facial expressions were very similar. When they'd be having an argument, Snape would raise his eyebrows, Laney would do the exact same, putting her hands on her hips with a defiant look on her face.

Her frame was thin, thinner than average for her age, Laney loved food but there was nothing she loved more than her broomstick. Snape had often wondered if she loved her Firebolt more than him, and the answer he usually concluded on was yes. In the summertime Laney would zoom over the castle of Hogwarts and Snape Manor. She could do all sorts of tricks on her broomstick, from hanging upside down, to standing up on it.

Although she was a child she fell off her broom more than she stayed on it.

'Aren't you going to ask me how my day went?' Laney said loudly, a little impatiently perhaps at her dads zoning out. He rolled his eyes, she really was a demanding child.

'How did it go pumpkin?' He said sweetly, fighting a smirk at the look on her face. Hey eyebrows drew together and she scowled angrily.  
'_Da-ad!_ Don't call me that!' She whined looking around as though expecting the whole of her year group to be present in the classroom.

'Why not? My darling baby? My lovely ickle Laneykins, my sweet babycake? My-'

"DAD!" She yelled. He chuckled. Annoying his daughter had been a hobby from the day she could talk. When she was mad she had a full scale tantrum, at nursery some of the children had gotten scared. Well he had to admit, Laney wrath was fearsome.

'How did your day go?' He asked nicely this time, propping his legs on his desk he listened to Laney talk about her day.

'…and then would you believe it, she has the nerve to come and sit next to me! As if everything before summer never happened, the cheek of her!' Laney exclaimed. Snape listened amused, teenagers always seemed to think whatever problem was going on in their life was the biggest dilemma anyone could ever face when really, compared to the problems in future, they were harmless and trivial. He couldn't understand the need teenagers felt to exaggerate everything and whine constantly. Laney never really whined, he had not brought her up in such a way as to whine for what she wanted. When she wanted something, she'd simply get up herself and get it. One of the motto's she lived by was, 'If you observe little rules, you can break big ones,'

Laney certainly got what she wanted all the time, but not because she whined and begged for it, because she had enough sense to know how to get it herself. Self-independence was something Snape always encouraged, although sometimes it drove them to arguments. She'd always try and do things her way, Laney's problem was that she didn't try and ask for help she wanted everyone to see her as someone who could do things for themselves, someone who didn't need to depend on others. It had also gotten her in trouble at school when she was unwilling to work in groups with others.

And as a voice that sounded remarkably a lot like Dumbledore in the back of his head said, 'Strength is not battling alone, it is having the courage to ask others for help,' Laney to depend on herself and that was where she went wrong, she didn't trust, something she had probably picked up from Snape, simply because she found it easier to rely on herself, no matter how much Snape told her to come to him for any problems.

She was just too self-reliant.

Laney chatted on for the rest of dinnertime, Snape barely getting in a word edgeways began to mark essays.

* * *

' , as incompetent as always I see, tell me did you even bother to pick up your textbook this year? Or was it too good for The-Chosen-One? Potters textbooks aren't even living up to expectations, tut, tut,' He said softly. Harry didn't move, he didn't even look up. So Snape tried again.

'Are you too good to listen to words or criticism now? Is it too much for Potters sensitive ears?' He taunted. The Slytherins were laughing as always, Snape taunting Harry was a form of regular potions entertainment after all. The rest of the class simply didn't find it amusing, what did Snape get out of being such a bastard to Harry? Snape, annoyed he couldn't get a rise out of Harry swooped down one more time.

'Your work is abysmal, first years could produce better,' He said scathingly. 'If you think you are superior to the rest of us I assure you, you are very wrong, you are simply a spoiled little boy who is always getting his way, you cannot work efficiently and you will fail every exam you take if your Houiler than thou attitude continues,'

'In that case,' Harry said standing up, still his tone not matching Snape's and still not looking at him,' I'll stop wasting your time and just leave,' Harry walked out and slammed the door shut behind him.

Everyone sat silent waiting for Snape's reaction. The tense in the class was palpable. Everybody held their breath as though on the brink of a cliff waiting to see who would fall first. The Slytherins had stopped laughing. Snape had stopped smirking. Everyone had stopped working.

'Well, we should be glad we're rid of one arrogant fool, and if anyone wishes to join him, you know where the door is, you have not been instructed to stop so I should see chopping and dicing and no talking,' He snapped, in an even fouler mood than he had previously been in. As he tried to sort through papers and grade essays Harry Potter was on his mind.

He shook his head, no, wasn't Potter just be as insolent and prideful as always? But the way he wouldn't look at Snape as though all the desire had flooded out of him, to be replaced by depression and guilt.

But no, of course not, this was just Harry Potter, the attention seeker. Carrying on with his work, he refused to think about the nagging feeling that told him something was not quite right here. Maybe he would take up the matter with Lupin later, after all, didn't potter practically kiss the ground he walked on?

* * *

Harry sat on the cold stone floor, shivering and wishing he had his cloak. He had left it in the Gryffindor Tower, after the walk out on Potions he had pretty much just shoved his bag in his room, after all, lessons were finished. It was nearing 9'o clock and Harry knew he had to be at the common room but he just couldn't bring himself to go.

He had seen Ron and Hermione after Potions when he had been trying to avoid them, on his way to the kitchen to talk to Dobby. Ron had reacted just as he'd thought, clapped him on the back and chortled.

Hermione said he should go back to Snape and apologize, at that Harry was outraged.

'Apologize for _what_ exactly? He insulted me, so I saved him the trouble of having to teach a dunderhead like me, after all I think _he_ should be thanking _me_!' He knew Hermione meant well and so did Ron, but lately he was craving more time to himself.

It felt like too much effort now, to pretend to be happy, to pretend he was okay, he was so sick of putting on a façade, he just wanted to hide somewhere he didn't need to do that anymore. If that meant sneaking up to the Astronomy Tower while everyone was in their respective common rooms then so be it. He wanted to be where his thoughts could wander.

Where he didn't have to put up with inane babble and the constant stream of happy chattering, after all everyone else had not lost everything that meant anything to them, they were still happy and content. What was Harry? Miserable and guilt stricken. How was it even fair?

The thought of going back to the common room where no doubt everyone was waiting for him so they could applaude him for his performance in front of Snape. He hadn't meant to be disrespectful but Snape was always putting him down, and Harry didn't deserve it. Or maybe he did. Maybe he needed to be knocked down a peg or two. That would teach him. For murdering Sirius.

In the exact same position, legs sprawled in front of him, head bowed and back against the dark grey bricks of the astronomy tower was where Snape found him. He took a step closer and crouched down until he was face to face with Harry.

'Get up,' His voice was not harsh or demanding, just firm. He knew from many squabble's with Laney that when she was somewhere she shouldn't be or doing something she shouldn't be doing, yelling never helped.

Harry however made no attempt to move. He acted as though he had not heard Snape.

'Come on Potter, just stand up,' Still nothing and Snape was getting evermore inpatient.

'For gods sake Potter, stop wallowing in your own guilty, I have better things to do than babysit the golden boy, I know you are used to people doting on your-' But he was interrupted.

'Just shut up, for once in your life Snape, just shut the hell up,' Harry's voice was dripping with anger but when he talked it was also forcibly calm. White hot fury trickled through his veins. He was half stood up as if he thought of standing up but then thought better of it.

'If you truly don't care or have better things to do, GO DO THEM, no-ones asked you to stay here, no-one wants you here, I don't want you here, you hate me, you loathe me, go AWAY!' He slumped back down.

As he looked up at Snape's pallid face he was surprised to see Snape had closed his eyes and was wearing a pained expression on his face-something Harry had never seen cross his features. As he opened his mouth to speak he didn't seem to be capable of producing words, Harry scoffed disgusted and went to storm out of the Astronomy Tower.

On the way out, barely two steps away from the exit Snape caught his arm. Harry angrily tore his arm out of Snape's grip.

'Don't touch me, don't you ever touch me, His voice had lost all defiance as had his eyes, They looked dead and sorrowful. He spoke instead in a broken whisper.

'Harry, what's going on?' Snape's migraine had returned. He turned to Lupin as Harry walked past him and ignored him completely, instead Lupin turned to Snape.

Snape simply shook his head and said 'Go after him,'.

**Woo! So that's it! I hope you enjoyed, please don't forget to review! And more of the Snape/Lupin in further chapters I promise, and Draco will be here at some point but his point in the story isn't needed yet.**

**And don't forget, looking for a beta!**


	2. Tell me about my mother

**Wow! That's all I can say! Thank you SO much for the reviews/ follows and favourites, even if people haven't reviewed it makes me feel appreciated that people have taken the time to read this! Special thanks to;**

**Kat- My first reviewer! You made my day!**

**Jeangary28- Thanks for your support.**

**ronaldBiliusWeasley- Thank you for the tip, I did try to put breaks it but fanfiction was being retarded and decided to edit those out so I'm trying them again differently this time!**

**GalynSolo- Thank you for the consideration on the beta anyway and thanks for the review.**

**Thanks to everyone for the support and I hope this chapter doesn't suck because I've only just really put together a plotline, and it might suck.**

**Disclaimer: (Wow I remembered) Yeah I don't own it.**

**My apologies for words spelt wrong, punctuation used incorrectly, English is my first language but I'm incredibly stupid.**

* * *

Chapter 2: Tell me about my mother

'Harry!' Lupin shouted. 'Harry stop,' But irregardless of Lupin, Harry still ran as though his life depended on it. He couldn't stop now, even though he hadn't eaten in a long time his body was pumping adrenaline through his body. He couldn't stop.

He couldn't stop. He ran and ran until he looked back to see if Lupin was still there and collided with some-one. Draco Malfoy. **(Told you he'd be here somewhere but I honestly have no idea what his role in this story will be, maybe to give Harry handjobs?)****  
**

'Look where you're going Potter!" Yelled Draco but Harry wasn't listening, he had gotten himself up and ran further and further. Eventually his legs gave way and he dropped to the grass. Only he didn't cry hysterically, he didn't sob and long for Lupin to find him. He just kneeled on his knees and closed his eyes.

There were no more tears left to cry, there was no more emotion to feel and no more adrenaline to keep him going. He felt dead and at that moment he wished he was. Then no one would have to care. He sat on the mossy grass and held himself closer, it was even colder out here than he had anticipated.

The birds swooped overhead casting shadows and making him feel incredibly anxious. He wished he were back up in the Astronomy Tower.

* * *

Harry ate ravenously. He had never felt so hungry in his life. It seemed the past few weeks of near starvation had taken its toll and he was eating enough to rival Ron. Hermione seemed pleased that Harry was getting his appetite back.

Ron took it as a personal challenge to eat more food than usual. The more food the better was the motto when it came to Ron Weasley.

He shoved a drumstick in his mouth, tearing off the meat before throwing it back on the plate and picking up a piece of bacon, shoving that in his mouth he took a forkful of eggs and tomatoes. Hermione looked at him in disgust before neatly piling on her own eggs onto her toast and picking up both her fork and knife to eat civilly.

When the bell rang Harry was still eating and he got up disgruntled at the thought of going to Defence, it used to be his favourite lesson when Lupin taught him but now it was just awkward. Lupin didn't look him in the eye and vice versa.

Harry wondered if he could make a quick detour to the Hogwarts kitchen before lesson, suggesting the idea to Hermione would have earned him a scandalized look and a lecture on SPEW but to Ron wasn't such a bad idea.

Feeding Hermione some lie about needing to go to the toilet and he and Ron would be back in lesson in a minute, Harry and Ron took off towards the boys lavatory on the fourth floor, as soon as they were out of sight though Harry dragged Ron to the left instead of the right which would have led them to the toilets.

'Where are we going?'

'C'mon I'm starving,' Ron followed Harry without complaint. It was food, and who cared about missing a lesson if it was for food. He'd gladly miss his NEWT exams for a doughnut. But as they walked it was Harry who stopped and turned to face Ron.

'Do you think we should go back? I mean we might get in trouble.' He said frowning. Ron scoffed.

'You sound too much like Hermione and anyway, Lupin likes us, he won't care it we're late to his lesson,'

'On the contrary Ron, he might care very much if you are late to his lesson,' Lupins voice rang through the corridor as Harry and Ron whipped around to see him standing by the thick marble pillars, he wore an expression of disappointment that his voice matched.

'Come, you are already late, it will do no good to linger in the corridors and waste even more of my time, I'm disappointed in you both, Harry, Ron, I expect better of you, 10 points from Gryffindor, you won't be given special treatment here even if I do like you, you will be treated the same as everyone else,' Harry thought he sounded too much like Snape for his liking only Snape didn't like them at all.

They walked to Lupins classroom in silence, Lupin in front whilst Harry and Ron shot each other furtive glances wondering what on earth had gotten into Lupin lately.

Hermione of course had the answer. She had given them both dirty looks when they walked in with Lupin and made it quite clear she was annoyed for getting into trouble again.

'It's a week before the full moon of course,' She said in her that-totally-should-have-been-obvious-why-aren't-you-all-as-clever-as-me voice. The lesson was on Infamodius Leech's. Monstrous creatures that liked to skin their victims, remove the skin and guts, leaving only the bones which they crunched with their 6inch razor sharp teeth.

Lupin had brought in an Infamodius Leech to show everyone, it was a disgusting creature, looking weirdly like a house elf except that the top of its head was shaped like a house, boxed and pointy.

The only real highlight of the lesson was Neville sitting on his own wand and the fact that they were assigned no homework, unlike every other teacher who thought it would have been nice to assign them 14inch essays on the first week back. What kind of cruel monsters did that? Harry felt he would rather bathe in a pool of Infamodius Leech's than do the piling amount of homework that was lying underneath his bed.

Harry was hoping if he left it there long enough it might disappear or it might do itself. Heading towards the door he groaned in annoyance as Lupin asked him to stay behind. Ron stopped too but Lupin told him he only wished to speak to Harry for a second.

As Harry waited for everyone to pile out of the classes, he felt a knot in his stomach. Did Lupin want to talk to him about last night? Of course, he probably wanted to give him a lecture on staying indoors and obeying curfew or that he was willing to be his shoulder to cry on. And Harry wanted neither.

Harry didn't want a shoulder to cry on, he didn't want someone to tell all of his problems to, and seeing Lupin only made him feel awkward. Lupin finally turned to him when the class had filed out, producing his wand with a flourish he shut the door and faced Harry once more.

'How did you find the lesson?' Ah, so they were beginning on light subjects, Harry thought to himself bitterly.

'What do you really want Lupin.' He was in no mood for small talk and trivial conversation.

'Harry, I want you to tell me what happened yesterday with you and Professor Snape,' He said straight to the point. Harry shrugged his shoulders absent minded.

'Why?' And for a second, looking up at Lupins face he could tell he had shocked him. Before he put himself together and came closer to Harry. Looking straight into his eyes, Harry looked away uncomfortable under his scrutinising look.

'Why not? I care about you Harry, I want to know what he said to you to make you so upset,'

'I wasn't upset!' Harry said, his mind reeling. Lupin cared about him? He sure had a funny way of showing it. Avoiding eyes, taking away points from Gryffindor, acting as though Harry didn't exist, that surely meant Lupin cared for him right? Not.

'Yes you were Harry, I want to know what he said or did,' Lupins voice was gentle, he needed to know what had happened. Still Harry said nothing.

'Harry, did he,' He hesitated before gently carrying on. 'Did he act in any way inappropriately?' Harry's reaction was far from what he expected. He assumed Harry would react with anger, fear even. Harry however started laughing.

'Hahaha…that's…that's really… hahahahha, really funny Lupin,' He clutched his side and continued to snicker loudly. Once he had got a hold of himself he looked up at Lupin, all traces of amusement vanished and his voice was bitter.

'He hates me, I'm sure the mere thought of…_that_ would make him shudder in disgust, he didn't do anything like that, I just wanted him to go away,' Harry said simply, looking at the floor again. Lupin nodded relieved.

'Harry you know, I'm not mad at you for yesterday, I want to know why you ran, why you felt you had to run,'

'Because I didn't want to talk to you, I just want to be alone, why can nobody just accept that?' He said annoyed.

'Harry, everybody cares about you very much here, we just want you to be happy, being alone all the time, being left alone with your thoughts too much, it's not good for you Harry,' He said worried.

'I hate being around everyone, everyone treats me so...so delicately! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of being treated like some glass figure about to break at any moment. Or like a thin pancake that's going to rip at any moment!' Harry said bizarrely. Lupin frowned before reaching forward to grasp on of Harrys hands in his own.

'Look at me Harry,' He said quietly. When Harry did he said, 'You have friends who care about you, I care about you, do you think we like to see you like this? If it was your own friend would you want to see them like this, Ron or Hermione?' Harry shook his head mutely.

Lupin didn't speak for a while.

'I know you feel guilty about Sirius but-'

Harry wouldn't let him finish his sentence because he wrenched his hand out of Lupins and tore out of his room. Lupin sighed and ran his hands through his hair. When was Harry going to see? Isolating himself wasn't the answer.

* * *

'Laney wake up,' Snape said. Laney gave a sleepy grunt in response and rolled over intent on falling back asleep. 'Now Laney, dinner in 20 minutes, go shower,' It was 6:40pm and Laney taking a nap was just routine.

After every quidditch practise she would come home, not even bothering to take her shoes off, shove her firebolt in the closet and fall asleep on the sofa. The quarters that both Snape and Laney lived in were fit for a king, or in Laneys case, a queen.

The living room was not at all big, rather small but cosy, there were dark brown furnishings, dark cabinets that held all sorts of artefacts and antiques from strange enchanted lockets to different rare samplings of potions and incredibly unique potion ingredients, including the Strenagothentic powder which could only be found every 3 decades on midnight on the 22nd July.

There were 3 consecutive bookcases all lined up that dominated one wall, hundreds of books of all different kinds from all the subjects Laney was taught, to dark arts and Do-It-yourself books. The main theme of the room was green, the sofas were a dark velvety green and the chair that Snape usually occupied was a lighter green. The rugs however were a dark rich black colour.

Laney dragged herself up and strode off yawning widely.

20 minutes later she sat at the dinner table, hair dripping wet and wearing pyjama bottoms with unicorns on and a plain black top. Snape put her plate in front of her and raised his eyebrows.

'Nice bottoms,' She glared at him before picking up her fork. Snape sat down and began to eat his own dinner. They ate it not exactly an awkward silence, just regarding each other quietly.

'Dad-"

'Are we going to have the same conversation every dinnertime Laney?' He asked challengingly as he put his fork down and surveyed her. Her mouth dropped open.

'You don't even know what I was going to say!" She protested.

'Was it something along the lines of 'Daddy you know my mom…?' He asked knowingly as her expression fell.

'Well _maybe_ I was going to ask you if you've done something different to your nose, or if you had a nice day today, or if you've considered that nose job I've been begging you to get for so long,' She muttered. He just looked at her.

'Okay it was,' She sighed in defeat. Again he said nothing.

'I just want to know dad, I mean,' She paused. 'Today everyone at school was talking about what they're getting their moms for mother's day and, well, what would my mom have liked? For mother's day? Hmm? Flowers? Chocolate?' She said avoiding her father's eyes.

When he spoke, it was a careful tone, as if he were completely aware just how much this answer meant to her.

'Laney, she would have loved anything you got her, because you are so thoughtful, you put thought into anything you get for others, and anything you got your mother, I assure you she would love it,' It wasn't necessarily true but Snape could hardly answer 'I don't know because I didn't _know_ your mother,' That would crush her, and if Snape was anything when it came to his daughter, he was protective.

He wanted her to know nothing that would hurt her. She merely nodded and ate the rest of her dinner in silence. Snape felt bad he couldn't provide her with more information. He knew just how much she was starved for information when it came to her mother.

She wanted to know everything, if she was like her, if she looked like her, if she acted like her. And Snape could tell her none of it, because he simply hadn't known the woman that well, he wished he had looking back on it, but Celeste Beauregard remained just as much a mystery to him as she did to Laney. Only he didn't go fishing around for answers, Laney on the other hand was persistent.

* * *

'I just don't know what to do,' Lupin paced back and forth in Snapes room. 'He's so distant and he doesn't want to talk to me, I know that,'

'Then why continue to try Remus? Just leave the boy if he's not worth your time,' Snapes silky voice was low. He had however made the stupid decision of leaving the door open a little, meaning Laney who had just gotten out of bed for a drink, could hear every word.

'I can't give on him, that would be like giving up on James, he would have wanted me to be there for his son no matter what,'

'Yes, well James Potter was a-'

'Severus please not now, I didn't come here to talk to you about James, I just want to talk about Harry, leave James out of this.'

Ah, so they were talking about Harry Potter, Laney thought to herself. But why? Why would they discuss Harry Potter and why the hell was Lupin in Snapes_ room_?

'I want to help him Sev, I need to help him, I just…I can't reach out to him,' Then another pause. Was Lupin sobbing? It sounded like it. And had he just called Snape 'Sev?' Since when did her father let anyone call him Sev?

'Let me make it better. Let me make you feel better.' Laney almost threw up. What the hell was going on?

'Severus…Laney…she's in the other room…' Yeah, thought Laney, I'm in the other room, don't do that with me in there!

'Laneys sleeping,' Snape whispered. The door banged shut and Laney jumped back . Ew. Were they really going to? With her in the next room? Ugh, adults were foul. But on the bright side, at least her dad had found some-one, even if it wasn't the ideal cookie baking mother she had invented in her mind. Lupin was an alright substitute, and who knows, maybe he knew how to make cookies.

Now Laney just wondered when they'd come and tell her. Maybe she could drop hints for a while.

* * *

**So there we go! Done for the next chapter, aren't you guys lucky? I really wanted to write this one though! Thanks for the positive feedback again, I have an actual plot now! Remember to review because that makes me happy, you all want to make me happy don't you my minions? And a lot more of Draco in future!**** Expect your next update in a few days, or if I'm feeling nice, tomorrow!**


	3. Punishments

**Oh my god. Seriously I am so so sorry. I know a lot of you may think I have COMPLETELY abandoned this story, to be honest I thought so too but I have not! I logged onto my fanfiction account last night, read it through and thought oh my god, this actually isn't a terrible story (Although parts of it seriously do suck) and I have completely forgotten my plotline but I am going to work very very hard to revive this story, I promise! Please don't hate me, I do say on my fanfiction profile I just don't have the commitment it takes to write stories. I seriously suck at them.**

Chapter 3: Punishments

'Stop your fidgeting.'

' M'not fidgeting.'

'Want some toast?'

'No.'

'Fruit?'

'No.'

'Do you-'

_'No.'_

Snape just knew today wasn't going to be a good day. For him or for Laney. Laney was in a foul mood. They had fought all morning and Snape was trying to make amends over breakfast. Laney just wasn't having any of it. Laney often suffered from nightmares. Snape didn't even know what they were about but he knew, even though Laney didn't know he knew, he knew she would stay up all night long to avoid sleep. She'd read a book or when she thought snape was asleep she's sneak into the kitchen and drink lemonade and coffee in stupid attempts to keep herself awake. Usually by about 5am she caved, fell asleep and was rudely awoken at 6:40 again. Snape realised when he came to wake her up it had been another one of those nights and he had hoped she would just get up, albeit tired and annoyed and go to her lessons. She didn't. She threw a fit.

At first she'd tried to explain that she 'hadn't slept properly' then when that didn't work she cried and when that didn't work she got angry. She screamed she wasn't going and how Snape couldn't make her and by this point Snape was just a hundred percent done with her. So he snapped too. Then Laney snapped. He snapped again, fiercer and Laney cried. Well, actually sobbed and screamed and yelled. And still Snape didn't budge. When she was younger Laney could get away with anything she wanted with those tears. Even now, Snape found it oh so difficult to deny her anything and he had never quite gotten past her teary eyes. He knew better when he had to put his foot down, the trick was to simply not look her in those sorrowful pleading eyes. Don't get dragged into the trick.

The anger and annoyance was thick in the air as both father and daughter were quiet.

Laney's chair screeched as she stood up and walked towards the door, she picked up her bag and walked towards the door.

'Have a nice-' The door slammed shut. Snape sighed to himself, head in his hands unwilling to go to school himself. With some kind of energy he got up and made his way also towards the door. Potions was going to be hell today.

* * *

Harry sat on the toilet seat with the water running from the shower. He should have been in there. He should have been in the shower. He couldn't. Not for a while anyway. Try as he might, he just didn't have the energy to lift himself up and stand under the water. Hygiene wasn't even a priority to Harry anymore. He didn't feel sad, or lonely or angry or excluded. He just felt blank. Not even numb. He didn't have that privilege. He didn't even feel calm. Just nothing. He'd left his watch in his dorm so he had no idea what time it was. Staring at the linoleum tiles, he thought to himself, _Snape is going to kill me._

* * *

Snape tapped his fingers impatiently as he watched the Gryffindor's file in, falling quiet suddenly as they took in his annoyed appearance. _Where was Potter?_

Trying hard to put him out of his head, Snape carried on with the lesson as usual, ignoring the empty spot that should have been taken up by Harry Potter. Had the boy truly taken Snape's word to heart and left the class? Snape hoped not, Dumbledore would kill him. Metaphorically of course, otherwise Dumbly Dorr wouldn't hurt a pretty little butterfly. A knock at the door snapped him from his idle thoughts. It was Remus.

'Professor Snape a word, please.' Snape inwardly cursed, thinking it must have been something to do with Harry but was very surprised when he stepped out into the corridors and saw Laney standing there, eyes towards the ground, silent.

'Laney engaged in an argument with another student. Then when the other student wouldn't back down, a fight broke out between them both.' Snape glared menacingly at Laney who was purposefully still avoiding his eyes.

'Argument over what?' He spat. She didn't reply.

'What on earth could have compelled you to argue with another student and then HIT them?!' He whispered, coming right up into her face, icy fury in his eyes and still Laney refused to speak. He straightened back up and turned to Lupin.

'The student, who was it?' He asked throwing another furious glance at Laney who still wouldn't face him.

'Michaela Dawn, Ravenclaw.' Snape nodded.

'Thank you Lupin, I will take it from here.' Lupin frowned.

'Very well Professor Snape, but do realise I bring this matter to you as Miss Snape's head of year.' He looked at Snape meaningfully as if trying to say, go easy on her. Snape, who intended to do no such thing merely nodded and avoided Lupin's eyes. With one last sweeping look at them both, Lupin took off down the corridor. Snape turned back to face Laney. Soon, this lesson would be over and lunchtime would start.

'I don't want to see you until lunchtime, do you hear me Laney Snape? You go back to your room and you and I will exchange words later.' She turned on her heels and strode off. Snape went back into the classroom, why oh why were teenagers so difficult?

* * *

It was never his arms. It was never anywhere, come to think about it. Before that summer, Harry had of course heard of self harm but never ever had he thought he would be one to engage in such a thing. It seemed monstrous to him, to destroy your own body was unthinkable. Yet here he sat in the toilets. Blade poised over his leg. Always the legs or the hips. Never the arms. Too obvious on the arms. Harry couldn't remember the last time he had showered without wincing under the unbelievable excruciating_ burn_ of the shower. It wasn't an outlet. He had read all about it, he knew most people did it to 'escape' or to 'get a release'. That was never the problem with Harry. He needed punishment.

Punishment for killing Sirius.

Punishment for being so awful to Lupin who was only actually trying to help him.

Punishment for failing at potions.

Pushiment. Punish. Punished.

And in every single leaflet, every single website said the same thing. Self harm is self harm if it is hurting yourself in any way, ripping, tearing, bruising, burning etc. But Harry didn't think he had a problem. He didn't have an issue. He just needed to punish himself. People who had serious mental disorders did it because it was a release or an outlet right? So it has to be normal to punish yourself in some way. If someone breaks a diet, they don't eat a chocolate the next day. If you do something wrong at school, you lose a lunchtime. That's all it was. A punishment. Nothing more, nothing less.

So he took the small blade to his legs a few times, near to the top and on the back. Nowhere too noticeable and never too much. People who were serious about cutting or had serious problems cut their arms and their wrists so Harry couldn't have a problem. Not a problem, just a punishment. For existing, for being alive, for everything and anything.

He glanced back up at the door. He had locked it, and then unlocked it and then locked it again, and then guarded the door with a spell, just to be sure. He didn't want anyone to disturb him, It was highly likely that Ron would do something stupid and try to find him. That was the last thing he needed, he needed to punish himself quickly.

A few more lines.

A little more pain.

Just a little more blood.

Aah.

Done.

'Harry, Harry!' He broke out of his reverie. It was Ron.

'Harry mate are you in there?' Shit, shit, shit, shit. Harry panicked as he saw the blood on the floor and the dried blood caked on his hips and thighs.

'Yeah hold on a minute,' How was he supposed to clean this up? He hastily pulled on his trousers, almost screaming when they grazed over his cuts. He ran his fingers through his messy hair and threw the towel in the laundry basket. He took a deep breath and walked out as casually as possible.

'Where you in there all throughout Potions mate?' Ron asked slowly.

'Yeah, why bother if the greasy gits just going to call me a useless arrogant fool. I'll go to Dumbledore and tell him or something.' He lied. Ron didn't seem to buy it. He did smile, uncertainly.

'You could have told me, atleast we could have skipped together or something.' He said and then his eyes travelled down and widened. Harry froze. Had he forgotten something?

'Harry mate, is that…blood?' Ron was staring at his hands, Harry hadn't realised the palms of his hands were caked in blood aswell, presumably from when he had been wiping it from the wider ones on his hips.

'Oh I had a nosebleed.' He said easily, walking back to the bathroom and turning on the faucet. His heart jumped again when he noticed the little silver blade on the sink. He blocked himself from Rons view and slid it up his sleeve caually.

'You've never had a nosebleed before.' His tone wasn't accusing in the slightest. Just disbelieving, as though he were chiding a small child for telling a lie. The thought made Harry angry. His friends hadn't cared for the past few weeks so why were they suddenly sticking their noses in where it wasn't wanted? Especially when he wasn't even doing anything that bad just a simple punishment that was all so why did nobody understand?

'So? Are you keeping track of all the nosebleeds I've ever had in my life or something?' He snapped back. Ron didn't respond. He walked and sat on his bed which infuriated Harry more than anything.

'Harry mate, what were you doing in the bathroom?' Harrys heart dropped. Ron's voice wasn't right. Ron was never EVER one to talk softly. Or Gently. He had a loud voice, arrogant and loud but not soft. Not quiet, not that. Anything but that.

'Nothing.' Harry whispered. But his voice broke at the end and he looked away in shame. Ron had never acted like this before. Had he figured it all out? Oh god, what if he told somebody? What if he told everybody? Harry couldn't stand the thought. He didn't want them to know he needed to punish himself, they couldn't know that, they'd think he was a freak, that there was something wrong with him. What kind of person punishes themselves with scars? No. No. He couldn't. He wouldn't stay here. Ron would tell everyone. In a panic, Harry fled and Ron didn't follow him. Deciding instead to talk to someone else.

* * *

Snape was still fuming. He was absolutely furious, out of all the things, what had possessed Laney to get into a fight. Laney never fought, she wasn't the physical violence type. She fought her arguments with words, words that cut like a knife. She didn't need fists. He thought perhaps it truly was just a bad day and she had let her temper get the best of her. But it didn't make it right. He made his way down to his quarters intent on getting the truth out of her when he bumped into Lupin.

'Severus-'

'Not now Lupin, I'm off to discipline my daughter. So if you would kindly, move.' Snape snapped.

'Severus please.' His tone made Snape stop and he turned back around. Lupins face was distraught.

'It's Harry, he's…well. Ron and Hermione came to me today.'

'What happened?'

'He's been. Well, they think he's been cutting, Severus.'

**I apologise SO much for it being SO short! I promise an update soon and I'm so so so sorry I abandoned this story for so long! Thank you for staying with me and please review! Thanks for reading and I'm still looking for a beta!**


	4. Help and Hormones

**Okay. Update time. If anyone is uncomfortable with me adding Harry's self-harm, do drop me a comment. I truly don't wish to offend anyone! Also, I don't know if I'm actually going to include a rape scene. I thought I could write but I truly don't think I can. **

* * *

Chapter 4: Help and Hormones

'Nobody can find Harry.'

'There's not many places he can be Remus, he'll show up.'

'And if he doesn't?'

Laney was still and quiet. Overhearing people had become quite the bad habit but she wasn't doing it on purpose. Had this been a normal day, she simply would have barged in, announced her presence and flopped onto the sofa and stared at the ceiling for a while. But this wasn't a normal day. She had waited for her dad, who hadn't ended up showing up at lunchtime so she'd simply slipped out of her quarters and going to her last lesson. She'd decided to stay in her dormitory. It wasn't unusual; she would normally alternate between days, staying in her room in Snape's quarters and some days staying in her dorm in Slytherin.

She had just coincidentally picked today to stay in her dorm. She was terrified, truthfully. Everybody had asked her what her dad had said to her and what was her punishment and 'That stupid Michaela bitch deserved it' and so on. Laney would have been a complete coward and stayed in her dorms all day to avoid her father but she'd left her potions book in her quarters, and for the next day she had work due. She just knew Snape would kill her if it wasn't handed in, so here she was, trying to sneak as stealthily as possible to her room to slip her book out and sneak back out.

However, it would seem fate was not on her side.

Just as she was going to open her door, her foot tripped over the table leg and she shrieked as she fell onto the floor. The murmuring stopped completely and she cursed. Snape and Lupin came sweeping out, eyes coming to rest on Laney who was sprawled ungracefully on her back. Sitting up, she gave them both a weak smile.

'Hi?' Snape pointed towards the chair (that was never a good sign, sitting in that chair always meant trouble) and in a bleak neutral voice said, 'Sit.' Laney groaned internally. Not even anger or whispered fury. Blank nothingness. That was even worse. And creepy.

'Dad I can explain, it was-' Snape cut her off.

'No. I don't want to hear it Laney.'

'But I-'

'Shut up. _Now_. I'm absolutely sick of this appalling attitude lately.' Laneys mouth dropped open in outrage.

'Apallaing attitude? _Appalling attitude_?!' She snapped.

'Don't you take that tone with me!' He snarled.

'TAKE WHAT TONE?!' She seethed. 'I come home. I do my work. I read books. I try so hard to do every single goddamn thing right. I can't sleep at night. I'm tired in the morning. Get that dad? Tired, angry, annoyed, irritable. Sound familiar? Hmm I wonder what side of the family I got that from?' She cocked her head sarcastically.

For a second, Snape was about to start screeching. Everybody knew how ugly his temper could be, but even Laney could rival his anger. Lupin but his hand on Snapes shoulder and Snape shut his mouth and tried hard to compose himself.

He took a breath and started again.

'You will go to your room. You will stay in there for the rest of this month, go out for school and school only. You can forget about having your broom for the rest of this week.' Laney's shoulders drooped. She stared at the floor miserably in silence.

'Go.' She walked to her room and slammed the door shut behind her. Lupin sighed.

'You could have been easier on her Severus, that broomstick's her life.' He didn't answer. 'You didn't even let her explain.'

'I'm sorry, I was under the impression she was _my_ daughter Lupin, not yours.' Lupin sighed in frustration.

'You don't get to take your bad mood out on me _Snape_.' He said, gritting his teeth. He turned around to walk and Snape caught his arm, to which Lupin jerked it back out.

'What?'

'I…apologise. It was uncalled for. She's just being incredibly difficult right now.' Lupin scoffed showing no sympathy.

'Maybe you should listen to her when she talks. Stop trying to overrule her. Stop trying to 'assert your authority'. She's not a student. She's your daughter. Hear her out for Gods sake.'

'And what would you know about being a parent?' Snape spitefully. As soon as he said it he regretted it. Lupins face dropped. Snape knew more than anything Lupin wanted to be a parent to Laney. Snape was the one who asked him to take it slow. Snape was the one who insisted they keep their a relationship a secret…only for a while apparently. Lupin hated it when Snape was too hard on Laney, Lupin would have been the reasonable parent. Snape just didn't know how Laney would take it. A 'cookie baking mother' was always what Laney had in mind. And Lupin was far from it.

'Well I suppose you're right. I wouldn't know because you won't let me. Because you're too afraid. Too ashamed of me aren't you?' He turned back around to leave.

'Don't. Don't go, I'm sorry. I know how much you want to be her parent. That was disgusting of me. I'm truly sorry.' Snape said. But of course, as a Snape he conveyed no emotion whatsoever and for Lupin it just came across as an insincere apology.

'Maybe you should stop trying to fix your screw ups between us and start trying to fix the relationship between your daughter. Yes,_your_ daughter.' He said scathingly and left. Snape sighed. When did Lupin suddenly become an emotional hormonal teenage wreck desperate for love and affection?

Snapes hand hovered over Laney's door handle but he hesitated, perhaps it would be better if he left this until tomorrow? Yes. That would be better. Let her calm down. He turned around, satisfied with his decision to leave her be until she opened her door.

She looked up at him in disgust and went to close her door again.

'Don't.'

She looked up at him in shock.

'Come on Laney, let's talk about this.'

'No.'

'Come on Laney, darling don't be unreasonable.' Laneys eyes were flaming with rage.

'You want to talk to _me_? About being _unreasonable_? Oh you are impossible.' She snapped. She walked back into her room and sat on her bed, Snape followed.

'Why did you do it?'

'I was having a bad day.'

'That's not a good enough excuse.'

'Well give me a minute, I'm sure I'll think of one up to your standards.' Snape sighed, frustrated.

'What did she do?'

'Why does it matter. It's not good enough to 'excuse my actions' anyway.'

A moment of slience.

'Do you think I'm being too harsh on you?'

'You're always too harsh.' She muttered. That hurt. Snape always tried to be fair, yes sometimes his bad temper got the best of him and he took it out on her but it was purely accidentally and in the heat of the moment. He would never, could never hurt her intentionally. She was everything to him.

'I don't mean to be.' He said, trying to be patient.

'Yes you do. I'm never good enough. I'm never going to be good enough for you.' She snapped grouchily. Snape reached forward and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

'Don't you ever speak like that again you hear me. You're perfect just the way you are and everything you do, you do to an excellent standard, you're a Snape remember?' And just like that the mood was lifted. Laney smiled in his shoulder. Snape smiled (shocking) fondly at her. He stood up, slightly uncomfortable, (Displays of affection weren't really his thing) and cleared his throat.

'Shouldn't you be in bed?'

'It's 7pm dad.'

'Did you think you were going to get out of punishment? I appreciate I was harsh with the grounding and the confiscation of you broom for a week. So for the next fortnight, your bedtime is 8pm.' Laney smashed her face into her pillow and groaned, annoyed.

'But DaaaaAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaaaad.' She whined.

'And you can apologise to Michaela Dawn as well.'

'Absolutely not.'

Snape smirked as he walked out; he honestly hadn't expected her to. That was the Slytherin in her.

* * *

He wandered aimlessly through the corridors. He didn't care about where he was going, just so long as no one found him.

_Nobody cares enough to look f__or you anyway_, Harry thought to himself bitterly. He ignored the part of his mind that snapped at him to stop being so stupid. But Harry couldn't help pitying himself. He had tried to be brave. He had tried to put up a strong façade. But it was so exhausting. He thought the lies would come easy. He thought they would all be so easy to fool. So how was it they had all seen right through it?

_They all saw right through it and didn't bother to help._

But Ron had tried hadn't he? Ron had tried to help, had asked him what he'd been doing in the bathroom. The thought made Harry's mind race. He wasn't ready for that. He wouldn't ever be ready for people to know, how weak, spineless and useless the boy who lived really was.

He was so consumed in his ruthless thoughts he didn't even notice when Lupin walked across the corridor, until he stood right in front of him.

'Harry.' He sounded relieved. Harry didn't run this time. Instead he followed Lupin as he walked into his classroom. He sat on the front desk and stared straight ahead of him. Calm and blank. Face devoid of all emotion.

'Harry. What is happening to you?' He didn't yell. He wasn't angry or accusing in the slightest. He was soft just like Ron. Oh so caring. For poor pitiful potter. Harry slammed his fists on the desk, anger overwhelming him.

'Nothing.' He snarled.

'Don't. Don't say that. You're so unhappy. Do you think we don't see it? Do you think we don't all see how sad you are. How completely….broken you are inside?' Harry scoffed.

'Yes that's what I am, broken. Completely broken. Because obviously I'm some kind of rag doll.' He said sarcastically.

'Stop. Stop saying that. Stop _doing_ that. I'm absolutely sick sick sick of you pushing everybody away. Why can't you just let someone be there for you? Isolating yourself isn't the way, just let us in Harry. Let us help you!' Lupin exclaimed. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration; he almost didn't catch Harry's soft words.

'Maybe I don't want to be helped.' Lupin froze. His heart plummeted. Surely Harry wasn't that far gone? No. He wouldn't believe it. Even if Harry had fallen off the wall and broken into a million pieces, he wouldn't stop until he fixed him back together again.

'I don't believe that even for a second.' He said fiercely. 'I don't believe that there isn't some little part of you yearning for love. Yearning to be loved and to feel loved. No one is ever content with unhappiness. Maybe you learn to survive it but no one is ever happy with it. Nobody plans to sleep in the gutter, that's sometimes the most comfortable place and I understand that Harry. But you don't have to sleep in the gutter. You can get help. You can let me help you. Please let us help you.'

Harry looked up, tears shining in his eyes and what was that, a glint of hope?

'No more sleeping in the gutter?' He whispered.

'No more sleeping in the gutter.' Lupin promised.

* * *

**I'm sorry if this is so ****crap. This was more like a filler chapter. I'm still trying to figure out a decent plotline. I don't know whether to completely delete this story because I'm really not too sure if I like the direction it's going in. Thanks for supporting me guys! Review p****lease!** **I'm really really sorry if it feels like the story is dragging or I'm being too slow. The next update will probably be a lot longer to wait for because I'm desperately trying to come up with a decent plotline. I really hope this was okay. Still look****ing for a Beta! Thanks for reading and please review! Also, I'm sorry if it feels like I'm not getting an equal balance between Lupin/Snape, Laney and Harry. I'll try my hardest to get this fic going in the future. **


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